My Rebellious Heart

My Rebellious Heart is an erotic novel published in 627. Originally written by Frederich Krogarov, it was translated into Common from Barovian in 691 by Timur Dargovich.

The novel tells the story of a beautiful young heiress who finally meets her true love — the only hitch being that she's already betrothed to the evil count who rules her land. Will she choose duty or love? Is there a way she can choose both?

Nina Alastroi
The protagonist of the story. Nina is beautiful, young, wealthy, and kind — her greatest character flaw is that she's just too nice, too loving, and far too naive to understand the strange new feelings Iosif inspires in her. Demure, polite, and soft-spoken, she has undoubtedly served as a model for meek young Barovian ladies for generations.

Vadim Konstantinovich
The brutal count who rules over the fictional land of Temnovia, Vadim was probably inspired by the Vallakovich family just as much as certain local counts. He presents a smiling face most of the time, but he is a ruthless leader with little care for the effect his actions have on most of his population, and terrifying when crossed. He is polite and respectful with Nina, as befits a woman of her station, but it's abundantly obvious from their interactions that to him she is a future possession first, a person second. He is moderately sexy if you're into domineering men, to help maintain the tension of the love triangle.

Iosif Federov
Iosif is a simple farmhand, honest to a fault, hard-working, with the most chiselled pecs ever described in literary history. Iosif and Nina first meet when Vadim is touring the farmland, shaking hands and kissing babies, taking the opportunity to show Nina all that will once be hers. Iosif makes the mistake of answering honestly when Vadim asks if there's anything the farmers could use from Vadim, instantly earning Vadim's ire and Nina's attention. His plain speaking is written in a way that is borderline offensive.

Scene-Setting
The book begins by establishing the status quo: we meet Nina, our demure protagonist, and quickly learn that she is a woman of means who is engaged to a count — an excellent match and an elevation for her family. We meet Count Vadim Konstantinovich soon after, and are not quite sure how to feel about him. First impressions vary as you get a sense of both how domineering he can be, and casually dismissive, but he also treats Nina with affection and respect, and his mysterious dark eyes and thick hair are given considerable narrative space, as is the firmness of his arm when he offers it for Nina to take.

Rising Action
It isn't long before the fateful meeting that will upset this status quo occurs: on a tour of the farmlands, Nina is caught quite off-guard by her first sight of Iosif, who is wielding a sickle while shirtless under the hot summer sun. The sight of him and his rippling muscles, and how confused Nina is by how difficult it is to look away from him, takes up a full two and a half pages. Iosif does put on a shirt before speaking to Nina and the count, which is probably for the best, as otherwise it's possible Nina wouldn't have absorbed any of the ensuing conversation. Iosif is less than diplomatic when the count asks about working conditions, which instantly earns him the enmity of the count, and solidifies him as a point of interest to Nina.

Over the ensuing weeks, two things become obvious: the count has decided to make it his life's work to humble the fuck out of this mouthy farmer, and Nina has apparently never thought to masturbate before. To more naive readers, the initial masturbation scene might be missed entirely, as the narration focuses entirely on strange new sensations, with precious few physical descriptions. This is the first time in this book that a flower is used as a metaphor for a vulva.

It takes Nina much longer than it will take most readers to realize what the count is doing, and what these strange feelings Iosif inspires in her are. Like a good Barovian lady, she only realizes she's been lusting after Iosif after she's realized she's in love with him. Truth be told, by the time Nina starts realizing things, most contemporary readers would be frustrated by how obtuse she's been. Through this period, there are various scenes with the count solidifying him as very much the villain — though he's never outright rude to Nina, beyond showing a general disregard for her thoughts and opinions, but that's a recurring theme between men and women in this book in general, and not one that gets challenged much — and scenes with Iosif, in which he and Nina get to know each other, and she comes to admire his plainspoken honesty and quiet strength, and he compliments her kind heart and gentle nature.

Climax
Once she's realized she's wildly in love with Iosif, and not at all in love with the count — indeed, she's coming dangerously close to having an unkind thought or two about the count — Nina knows she must do something, but she can't for the life of her figure out what. She agonizes over her treacherous heart, her duty to her family and her home. If she really loves and respects Iosif, after all, shouldn't she use this opportunity to go through with her marriage to the count, and help guide him towards fairer governance? She's sure she could soften his heart, even if she'd have to break her own in the process.

Naturally, just as Nina resolves that she must cut off contact with Iosif, marry the count, and try to change the system from the inside, there's a dramatic scene in which Iosif arrives at her home one stormy evening — his shirt soaked right through, clinging to Them Pecs again — and confesses his love to her, begging her to run away with him. Normally, of course, her chastity would demand sending such an uncouth gentleman caller away so late at night, but with the storm raging she must let him in, for his safety!

Again, to a naive reader, it might be difficult to realize a sex scene is happening until you're nearly through it. He spreads the petals of her flower as skillfully as he wielded that sickle out in the fields the first day she saw him — and the harvest he reaps is just as rewarding. Some readers may be concerned at the parallels being drawn between his sickle and certain parts of his anatomy, and what that may imply about the pain levels — the breaking of her hymen is, of course, described, so we all know she has been a Good and Chaste woman up to this point — but she seems to enjoy it, overall.

Then, of course, the unthinkable happens. The count arrives, come to check on his betrothed in this brutal storm, and though the lovers manage to get out of bed and throw their clothes on, they are discovered all the same. The count is livid. For a moment, we think he might go full villain and strike her. But he comes to his senses and assures her he should have known better — that a rogue like this would take advantage of any young woman. She's just confused, poor thing. And though she is now sullied, he will wed her all the same, and save her from the humiliation she has brought upon herself.

As for Iosif? Well. To the dungeons with him.

Editor's Note
What happens in the following chapters may seem clunky to many readers. As the limited Barovian population of literary scholars could tell you — Ispati Mirsky, for instance — the original manuscript of My Rebellious Heart had to be drastically revised, as the climax led to a peasant uprising, first in protest of Iosif's imprisonment, then of the brutal conditions the count had kept them all under. The Vallakovich patriarch at the time got wind of the manuscript, and publication was delayed for the better part of two years as Frederich Krogarov was taken to the Reformation Centre for reeducation. Upon his recovery, Frederich rewrote the plot, and what stands now is a convoluted series of twists that eventually reveal the count's forefathers had assassinated the rightful count and forged documentation to claim the county as their own. Furthermore, Iosif is revealed to be descended from the rightful noble line, as it comes to light a faithful servant of the true nobility had spirited Iosif's infant great-grandfather away and raised him among simple farmers, to one day reclaim his rightful title.

Thus, Nina marries the count after all — just a different one than she was originally betrothed to.

Denouement
The wedding is beautiful, and all the supporting cast who have the collective personality of a pile of cardboard are there to celebrate the blessed union. There is another love scene, with even flowerier language than the first. We learn that Vadim will spent the rest of his days rotting in a dungeon, while since Iosif has claimed his title, all the crops have flourished, as the land celebrates the return of its rightful rulers. Nina is pregnant, because of course she is, and with Iosif as the sensible masculine authority this land has so sorely needed, she settles in to live a blissful life of having as many babies as possible and gazing adoringly at him.